There are a variety of factors which affect our happiness levels, and one of these factors is trauma. While there are varying degrees of trauma, all deserve our acknowledgment. If something hurts you deeply, these feelings are valid. A breakup can certainly be traumatic, as is the loss of a loved one. Healing our hurt and heading towards happiness isn’t always an easy process, and it is sometimes necessary to seek professional support. However, I’ve created a little guide to get you started.

Step 1: Accept your feelings. There’s no need to brush them aside or pretend they don’t exist. Perhaps you believe you shouldn’t be sad/hurt/upset, or that you simply need to “get over” something. In my experience, denying feelings does not help us to stop feeling them. Say to yourself…this is how I feel, and that’s okay. I will overcome this.

Step 2: Forgive yourself. When terrible things happen, we sometimes take on the burden of blame. We may even blame ourselves for things that are out of our control. Think about the situation you’re in. Is it REALLY your fault (either partially or entirely)? If the answer is yes, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself, take responsibility, and learn from the experience. This is perhaps the most important part in terms of personal growth. We all make mistakes, but we can do better when we know better. If the answer is no, there’s nothing to forgive!

Step 3: Reach out. Don’t keep your pain all bottled up. Talk to friends, family, therapists, whoever can help. Even just sharing your feelings can help ease your distress. Though we can’t all afford therapists, there are ways to get professional assistance at reduced rates. Start with Google, but check back here for a future post.

Step 4: Practice self care. Be patient with yourself, relax, and do things that you love. Read a book, get rest, play your favorite game, or go for a walk. Meditate, munch on a healthy (delicious!) snack, or go somewhere new. Whatever makes you feel good (that doesn’t hurt yourself or others)…go for it. Even just a little bit of self care helps, if you’re making a conscious effort. Expect an in-depth list of ideas at a later date, but start with the self care now.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

Anne Lamott